5 Ways to Triumph Over Envy
Photo courtesy of bubblews.com
I have to confess that I’m GREEEEEN with Envy about Fawn Weaver’s book “Happy Wives Club” making the #3 spot on the New York Time’s bestsellers list. It’s been prophesied that one of my books will soon, but it hasn’t happened yet (drats!). Nevertheless, I know how to triumph over ENVY and I want to help those of you who often get attacked by this green-eyed monster. Here’s how to slay ENVY and make it work FOR you:
1) USE IT AS A MOTIVATOR. Envy is rooted in DISCONTENTMENT. {It is distinguished from Jealousy which is rooted in FEAR, the fear of being displaced.} Envy reminds you of what you “should” or “could” do or be. So, when it first attacks you, ask God, “What is your plan for ME?” “What should I be doing right now to get on track to fulfilling MY purpose?” Thank God for the motivation.
2) SPEAK WELL OF THE PERSON YOU ENVY TO EVERYONE YOU MEET. I’m bragging to the world about how proud I am of Fawn. She’s young, creative, and smart! A marketing genius! She’s helped me in the past with her marketing tips. I’m old enough to be her mother; in fact, her mom Bunny Wilson is a dear friend.
3) PRAY FOR EVEN GREATER SUCCESS FOR THOSE YOU ENVY. Don’t be a hater who tries to “level the playing field” by being critical. You will surely reap what you sow! Believe it or not, SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE IS ENVYING SOMETHING ABOUT YOU! How would you like for them to handle their envy?
4) DON’T ALIENATE, INVESTIGATE! Many withdraw from the relationship when they start feeling “disadvantaged” or inferior. Instead, I say find out the key to that person’s success. You can believe that I’m gonna be interviewing Fawn big time. She’s going to be my new “best friend” (lol). Why, I’ve sold over 1.5 million books but not a SINGLE ONE has been on the NYT list! Of course, I have NOT put forth the promotional effort that Fawn has. Crazy, how we can envy folks and not want to pay the price they pay for their success. Are you envying somebody who’s skinny, happily married, easy to get along with, etc.? Don’t be too proud to interview ‘em about their habits and strategies. Humble yourself and be vulnerable. Just ask ‘em, “What’s your secret?”
5) SUBMIT TO GOD’S SOVEREIGN PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. Decide to say “Yes” to whatever God is saying. FATHER KNOWS BEST. Believe this or stop claiming you trust Him. Don’t let envy steal your joy. Be Happy Every Day. Whew, I feel better already. Hope you do too!
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Prayer-a-phrase It!
Hey! I have a new term I’m using for personalizing the Word: “prayer-a-phrase”… it means to paraphrase a Scripture and declare it as your own personal truth: For example: Romans 8:28 says that all thing work together for good… (you know the rest); well, when I declare it, I say, “All things are working together for my good, because I love God and I am called according to His purpose.”
Here is another “prayer-a-phrase” I use when I face a complex problem that needs “brainpower”:
THE WORD: “I thank You and praise You, O God of my fathers; You have given me wisdom and might, And have now made known to me what we asked of You.. Daniel 2:23 NKJV
My “Prayer-a-phrase”: “I thank You and praise You, O God, for giving me wisdom and might and making known unto me NOW what I have asked of You.”
Try it on your favorite Scripture.
5 Ways to Stop Bad Relatives from Spoiling Good Times
Photo courtesy of www.bigfrog.com
“Sara, I won’t be attending the annual family holiday party”, Jeremy declared. Sara’s heart sank. She’d hope for 100% participation from all her six brothers and their families.
Jeremy continued, “No way am I going to be in the same space with John {his oldest brother}. He is loony and nobody seems to want to acknowledge it. Being around him is too stressful. Why do we have the party at his house every year anyway?”
Sara understood where Jeremy was coming from. In fact, she shared his sentiments; however, she had developed a few coping strategies long ago. Seeing her nieces together once a year outweighed the downside of experiencing John’s party-spoiling tirades. She knew that she wasn’t going to change Jeremy’s mind so she didn’t even try.
The holiday season can be best of times and the worst of times when it comes to family get-togethers. Some relatives you absolutely love—and others you loathe because they always seem to pollute the atmosphere with their negativity or unpleasant personalities. Whether it’s Opinionated Oscar, who disdains anyone with a different viewpoint, Sensitive Samantha who gets offended by the slightest thing, or Critical Candace who must point out your recent weight gain, you need an extra dose of patience to navigate the field of party spoilers.
Here are five of the strategies that I’ve used over the years that have helped me survive the dreaded encounters:
LIMIT your “exposure” to the toxic folks. Give them an enthusiastic “Hello” and a hug when you (or they) arrive and then try to steer clear of them the rest of the time if at all possible. At the first whiff of negativity, suddenly remember something you have to do in the kitchen or elsewhere.
LOOK for something to compliment the spoiler about (her outfit, her child’s recent achievement, his new car, etc.). Sincere compliments can soften negative attitudes.
LEAD a controversial conversation down a “safer” path when it veers toward politics, religion, and other divisive topics. A quick interruption will be socially acceptable in this situation: “Hey, did you guys you hear that story about the man who broke a record by doing…”. “Are the Los Angeles Clippers having an awesome season or what?”
LET it go: When one of the miserable people try to push your emotional button, don’t take the bait. Have a pat, pleasant response ready for their normal dig and deliver it like an emotional pro.
Candace: “Mary, looks like you’ve gained some weight.”
Mary: (Acting shocked; but lightheartedly replies) “Really? Gee, it must be a side-effect of living life to the fullest!”
LAUGH: Look for an opportunity to interject humor. Laughter can break the tension in almost any situation. Try to recall a really funny joke or relate a story of a self-effacing event that left you in stitches. A hearty laugh will often work in response to a put-down or backhanded compliment.
Don’t let your difficult relatives stop you from attending family festivities and having a good time with other kinfolks whose company you enjoy and with whom you share fond memories. Prepare yourself for a great outing by being well rested and armed with an affirmation such as, “I have the patience and the fortitude to tolerate any spoiler!”
A Call to the Strong, Independent Woman—Stop Emasculating Your Man!
I’m a strong, educated, and financially-independent woman who was fortunate enough to have two wise spiritual mentors. They both emphasized the importance of understanding a man’s need to be needed. I heeded their advice in each of the areas discussed below and it’s worked for me for almost 35 years. I’m concerned because several men have told me that their women “emasculate” them in simple ways. Here are FOUR…there are MORE:
1) Not letting (or asking) them to carry heavy bags –”I can do it!” –Sure you can… What he hears: ”I don’t need you!”
2) Contradicting him in front of his friends. What he hears: “You don’t rate.”
3) Making major decisions without acknowledging him: “I’ve hired a contractor to remodel the kitchen starting this Monday.” What he hears: “I make my own money and I don’t need or want your input.”
4) Second guessing or undoing his decisions: “I know you told the kids they couldn’t go to the party, but I thought it was okay.” What he hears: “I don’t respect your judgment or honor your place of authority in the home.”
Okay, so just stop it. Start being the woman who “opens her mouth with wisdom” (Prov. 31:26). You’re going to be shocked at the results. Yes, I know you are saying, “What about men giving women more honor?” That will be the subject of a later post. Let’s just work on ourselves for now. After all, Prov. 14:1 says, “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”
Caring too much to let you go over a relational cliff!
Photo courtesy of: feroshdiva.tumblr.com
Why Elisha Received a Double Anointing
Elisha received a double portion of Elijah’s anointing because….
1) He asked for it. God had already appointed him (1 Kings 19:16) to be Elijah’s successor, but Elisha didn’t just want to be head of the prophets, he wanted to maximize his effectiveness.
2) He made it a top priority; he left his “farming” business (1 Kings 19:19)—killing the oxen and roasting them with the fire made from his plowing equipment. No turning back; no Plan B.
3) He followed Elijah everywhere he went (2 Kings 2:2-6) : to Bethel (a place of worship); to Jericho (a place of obedience); and to the Jordan River (a place of dying to self; a new beginning in the spirit). Yep. We gotta do all three—worship, obey, and die to our way of doing things.
4) He received his new anointing by faith. Elisha’s first miracle was to part the Jordan River… just as Elijah had done earlier: “Elisha picked up Elijah’s cloak, which had fallen when he was taken up. Then Elisha returned to the bank of the Jordan River. He struck the water with Elijah’s cloak and cried out, “Where is the Lord, the God of Elijah?” Then the river divided, and Elisha went across.” (2 Kings 2: 13-14 NLT).
While many of us ask today, “Where is the God of Elijah?”, God is surely asking, “Where are the Elijah’s and Elisha’s of yesteryear who will pay the price for my anointing?” I’m ready, how about you? Let’s put Him to the test.
Step Out on Faith; Forget About Plan B!
Elisha was plowing the field with a team of oxen when Elijah threw his mantle (cape) on him thus indicating he had been chosen to be his successor as the prophet in Israel and head of the school of prophets. Elisha made no provision for returning to his old job if things didn’t work out. He didn’t take a leave of absence; he didn’t sub-lease his equipment or animals to another farmer. In fact, he killed his oxen and boiled them using the fire he made by burning his plow. Talk about a commitment! Elisha became a renowned prophet and miracle-worker.
When God called me to leave a great job in 2006 to write and speak full time, I felt like I’d stepped out onto a ledge at the Empire State Building and locked the window behind me. It was a fly or die decision (financially and professionally speaking)! Well, it’s been seven years now and God has been faithful. He has done exceedingly, abundantly above all I could have asked or thought—and I know that the best is yet to come. What about you? Are you still “plowing” thru unfulfilling work rather than pursuing your destiny? What exactly do you feel God is calling you to do but the provisions don’t seem to be lined up just yet? Remember that He provides where He guides: Meditate on 1 Kings 19:19-21 (NKJV) and be inspired:
“So he departed from there, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and he was with the twelfth. Then Elijah passed by him and threw his mantle on him. And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah, and said, “Please let me kiss my father and my mother, and then I will follow you.”
And he said to him, “Go back again, for what have I done to you?”
So Elisha turned back from him, and took a yoke of oxen and slaughtered them and boiled their flesh, using the oxen’s equipment, and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he arose and followed Elijah, and became his servant. “
Is Success Destroying Your Peace?
Is your progress or success overwhelming your sense of peace? It may be time to:
1) re-evaluate–maybe even re-define– what progress or “success” really means to you
2) make some hard choices regarding eliminating the distracting (though well-meaning) people or situations in your life
3) go back to basics (simple, low cost activities)… even if doing so means less money and stuff
4) intentionally build more “margin” into your schedule (like deciding to be at least 15 min early for EVERYTHING!)–I NEED THIS ONE BIG TIME!
I’m constantly considering ALL of the above. Join me!
No Way To Pay!
I was standing behind a lady at the checkout counter today at one of my favorite discount variety stores when the clerk totaled her purchases. The customer didn’t have enough money to pay for all of her items so she began to select things to leave behind. “Oh no”, I said to the clerk. “Just put her items on my bill.” The clerk looked surprised; the lady was pleased—and grateful. (I knew that it was the least I could do for having been so abundantly blessed by the grace of God.)
As I finished checking out, I noticed that the lady had left one of the items I’d paid for on the counter. At that moment, I had TWO epiphanies about what Jesus did for us in dying on the Cross. No way could we pay our sin debt. “For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. Yet God, with undeserved kindness, declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood… (Romans 3:23-25–NLT).
Yes, Jesus stepped forward and said, “Put it on my bill!” HE PAID IT ALL!
Now, here is what really blows me away. Some people walk away from what has already been paid for and never get the benefit of it. If you know somebody who has not embraced what Jesus has done, run after them and tell them that you too once had a debt that you couldn’t pay but you accepted the GIFT. Compel them to come… to RECEIVE the gift. That’s all that any of us can do when we are Spiritually Bankrupt! JUST ACCEPT THE GIFT! Feel free to share this blog.
Stay Focused!
I had a serious aha moment today during my water aerobics class. The instructor had us doing an elbow to knee exercise for what seemed an eternity. Finally, unable to do another repetition, I asked him, “Are we ever going to switch to the left leg?” He replied, “Oh, we changed over a long time ago!”
Apparently I had gotten distracted (looking out the window, closing my eyes, thinking about my to-do list, etc.) and missed his cue. I think that we relate to God like this sometimes. We are going thru the motions of following Him, exhausting ourselves to no avail, only to discover that we are pursing a path, project, or relationship whose season has ended.
I’m going to make every effort to stay focused on Him, check in often to see if I’m still in step, and most of all, get back on track when I see that I’m not! What about you? Are you walking in sync with His plan for your life?
Conquer Your Performance Insecurity
CONQUERING INSECURITY
Too many of God’s children are plagued with insecurity and a sense of inadequacy. They have an “omniscience-complex” – they think they need to know EVERYTHING about a subject matter, an assignment, a potential job or promotion, a career move–before they start it.
We must learn to declare in advance what Daniel said (in Daniel 2:23 see below) after God revealed the king’s dream and the interpretation—when the king couldn’t even remember what it was he’d dreamed:
Take time to read this story. It’s my “go-to” passage when I need an answer or solution revealed. Note the number of times Daniel emphasizes “He” in Verses 21-22 when referring to God vs. man.
You don’t need more self-confidence; this is a worldly concept with limited effectiveness; we must always walk in Supreme Confidence knowing that GOD is just looking for somebody thru whom He can show Himself strong (2 Chronicles 16:9).
Here’s the key part of the story; it picks up where the king has ordered all the wise men to be destroyed because nobody can tell him what he dreamed:
Daniel 2:16-23 NKJV
16 So Daniel went in and asked the king to give him time, that he might tell the king the interpretation. 17 Then Daniel went to his house, and made the decision known to Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, his companions, 18 that they might seek mercies from the God of heaven concerning this secret, so that Daniel and his companions might not perish with the rest of the wise men of Babylon. 19 Then the secret was revealed to Daniel in a night vision. So Daniel blessed the God of heaven.
20 Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, For wisdom and might are His.
21 And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise And knowledge to those who have understanding.
22 He reveals deep and secret things; He knows what is in the darkness, And light dwells with Him.
23 “I thank You and praise You, O God of my fathers; You have given me wisdom and might, And have now made known to me what we asked of You, For You have made known to us the king’s demand.”
Yup! This is my declaration:
“I THANK YOU AND PRAISE YOU, O GOD.. YOU HAVE GIVEN ME WISDOM AND MIGHT AND HAVE NOW MADE KNOWN TO ME WHAT I HAVE ASKED OF YOU!”